What? I'm A Pureblood!
by sellthelie
Summary: Hermione discovers a family secret…WARNING: Much parody, and many DHr fandom clichés are mocked, read at own peril…


**WARNING: This is supposed to be a joke, please don't take this seriously. I did this for a laugh a few weeks ago, and decided to post it for the hell of it. If you don't like it, you don't like it. Please don't flame, it's only a joke, that my sick sense of humour finds funny. :)**

**Disclaimer: Belongs to JK Rowling**

**What? I'm A Pureblood!**

**1/1**

* * *

Hermione bounded down the stairs of her family's modest, yet flashy house in suburban London. She looked completely different to how people are used to seeing her, over the summer Hermione had made some changes. Gone was the studious bookworm.

She had straightened her hair, no longer did she have a bushy mop. Hermione had also redone her entire wardrobe. She now wore mini-skirts, and skimpy tops. No doubt she would freeze in Scotland, but the ugg-boots she wore with them would keep her warm, and she would look good, which was the main thing. Also she looked hot! That was all that really mattered.

On her arrival downstairs she was greeted with an odd sight, her parents were sitting in the sitting room talking with a man who was wearing Wizarding robes.

"Mum, dad, what's going on?" She asked, "Who are you?" She asked the man in the robes.

"Hermione, love," Her dad said, "We have something we need to tell you…"

"Okay, shoot."

"We aren't your real parents, we just took you in," her mum said, "This is your real father."

"What!" Hermione exclaimed, "So you're a wizard," she asked the man in the robes, he nodded his head, "A pureblood wizard?"

"Yes I am," he answered in a snotty tone, "And I would very much like it if you came to live with us for the rest of the summer, till your return to Hogwarts."

Hermione thought over it for a minute, "Sure, I'll just go pack my bags."

_Ten minutes later…_

"Well it's been nice knowing you people," she said as she walked outside to the floating carriage, "Have a nice life."

And with that she left her old world behind, she was a pureblood.

------

On her arrival at her new home, Hermione was flabbergasted by how big it was.

"So this is my home now?" She whispered to herself, "Sweet."

Hermione followed her father inside, where they were met by a house-elf who took their things, and disappeared with a pop. This didn't faze Hermione at all, she had given up on the insipid creatures ages ago.

"Hey sis," she heard a voice call from up the staircase. She looked up and saw a handsome young man who looked familiar.

"Do I know you already?" She asked puzzled.

"Sort of," he answered, as he stood in front of her. "My names Blaise, I'm in your year at Hogwarts, different house though."

"You're in Slytherin," Hermione said, "But we look nothing alike you and I, how can we possibly be brother and sister?"

"Who cares," he said shrugging his shoulder, "And we aren't just brother and sister, we're twins!"

"Really!" Hermione beamed, "That is so cool."

_And so Hermione spent the rest of the summer having the time of her life with Blaise, and his Slytherin friends. Hermione became best friends with Pansy and Millicent. There was one person Hermione hadn't met yet, but she imagined she would meet him on the train properly…_

------

It was September the first, and Hermione was settling into the compartment on the Hogwarts Express. She didn't bother going to go find Harry and Ron. She didn't want to be friends with them anymore. She was even going to ask Professor Dumbledore if she could be resorted. Hermione knew now she belonged in Slytherin with all of her new friends.

One by one her friends entered the compartment she was sitting in. And then he entered, the Slytherin Prince. Draco Malfoy. Looking as damn fine as ever.

He sat down opposite her and smirked at her, "So not so muddy after all."

"No," she smirked back, "As pure as you are."

Hermione didn't miss the appraising look he gave her as he turned to talk to Blaise.

After about ten minutes Hermione got up, "Just going to the bathroom," she looked at Draco, "I wont be long."

But she didn't go to the washroom, she found an abandoned carriage a few spaces down, entering it, she waited. He didn't keep her waiting long. As he walked past, she grabbed his collar, and pulled him in.

"I thought you said you were going to the bathroom," he smirked as he sat down on one of the seats.

Hermione straddled his lap, "I lied."

_…and now it gets smutty…still smutty…………some more smutty…just a little bit extra smut…and that's the end of the smut._

"Wow Hermione," Draco said, "You're really good at that, I can't believe that was your first time!"

"I imagine it will keep getting better too," she answered.

"I hope so," Draco grinned, "You know you should talk to the Lord about joining our side, I think he'd be right pleased to get you."

"Draco dear," Hermione purred, lifting up her sleeve, "I already have."

"Wicked!"


End file.
